How to Start a Conversation With a Woman
By John Alexander
Author, How to Become an Alpha Male
Last week I had the easiest pick up and lay in my life, and it all started with me walking by a random girl and saying (using a clear, resonating voice and disinterested, but relaxed and sexual body language), "Hey."
She looked up, expecting me to say something interesting.
My follow-up was simply, "Do you know where the smoothie place is? I'm in the mood for a smoothie."
After that, she kept the conversation going. Simple, right?
Here was the key: I always made sure that she was reacting to me more than I was reacting to her.
When I first started speaking to her, I frankly couldn't care less about what she thought of me.
My mindset was, "I'm just going through my day. But hey, if some hot chick wants to earn my attention, that's cool. If not, I'm going to enjoy my day just the same."
I've coached a lot of guys, and the mistake I most often see a guy make when he opens a conversation with a girl is that he tries to get a response from her.
Maybe he tries too hard to make her laugh. Or he starts asking her weird questions that he shouldn't be interested in when speaking to a total stranger (e.g., "What's you major?" or How has your day been today?")
This sets her up with a higher value than him.
You see, whenever you set a girl up with a higher value
than you (like when you're trying to win her approval), this causes her to lose attraction for you.
In every conversation, there is always one person who is reacting more than the other. The person who reacts less (i.e., is the more relaxed of the two) is the more dominant, or alpha, person.
The person trying to win the other's approval is the one who's more attracted. So a girl will struggle to make small talk and keep the conversation going as long as your value is higher than hers.
Women are attracted to men who are a challenge for them. If at some point it becomes clear that you're trying to win her approval, then there's no longer a challenge for her and she loses interest.
Keep the alpha status and stay in control of the situation right from the beginning. Make sure to not ever react too much to what a girl says. Always remain more relaxed than her.
So the answer to the best way to begin a conversation with a woman is this: Don't try. Don't care what she thinks. Just say whatever you want.
John Alexander is author of How to Become an Alpha Male. Learn the easy way to talk to girls.
http://www.thegamesgotrules.com
Other Blogs about becoming an alpha male:
http://becomeanalphamale.blogspot.com/
http://alpha-male-23.livejournal.com/
http://becomeanalphamale.typepad.com/
http://blog.myspace.com/156890863
http://alphamale23.wordpress.com/
http://www.xanga.com/avandelay
http://radio.weblogs.com/0153116/
http://becomeanalphamale.blog.com/
http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-s0evwH8wd7aXOzCjGBB4XoBGfIt2SA
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Monday, March 19, 2007
Are You Making These Body Language Mistakes With Your Hands?
Are You Making These Body Language Mistakes With Your Hands?
By John Alexander
Author, How to Become an Alpha Male
Unfortunately, what you do with your hands can be one of the quickest non-verbal ways to destroy the attraction that a woman feels for you, because the wrong hand movements can communicate that you are a low-status, beta male.
To make matters worse, your hands can be particularly tough to manage because, let's face it, when you feel nervous, the hardest thing in the world is figuring out what to do with your hands!
For success with your dating and seduction of women, make sure you don't make the following body language mistakes with your hands.
MISTAKE ONE. Displaying your anxiety with your hands.
You do this when you:
1) Shred napkins.
2) Make your hands into fists.
3) Sit on your hands.
4) Hold something and play with it.
5) Twiddle your fingers or thumbs.
6) Hold your hands unnaturally still.
7) Sit on your hands to avoid having the woman see them tremble.
Although you might be feeling nervous, the last thing you want to do is to let the woman detect you feel that way.
Instead you want to convey that you're calm and in control. Nothing attracts a woman more than a man who's laid back and confident.
MISTAKE TWO. Putting your fingers into your mouth.
When you bite your nails or otherwise chew on your fingers, you are, according to psychologists, doing the same thing that infants are doing when they suck their mother's breast.
For a baby, breast feeding provides comfort. When we became toddlers, our thumbs replaced our mom's nipple.
And then as adults, biting our thumbnail does the same thing. Ever noticed that when you're out in public, you mainly bite your nails when you're under pressure?
THE SOLUTION. Just hold your hands relaxed on the table.
Rest your forearms on the table, keeping your arms open and letting them drop forward.
Keep your hands and arms open and relaxed. Most of the time this means having them about 18 inches or half a meter apart, your palms facing each other, with fingers curved slightly upward.
As your palms face each other, they should also face the woman. Open palms convey honesty and being completely comfortable with yourself. Having the back of your hands facing her can often convey that you're hiding something.
Demonstrating your confidence can be as easy as that! Stop twiddling your thumbs and watch the women flock to you.
John Alexander is author of How to Become an Alpha Male a dating and seduction success guide for men which will improve your body language and confidence.
http://www.thegamesgotrules.com
By John Alexander
Author, How to Become an Alpha Male
Unfortunately, what you do with your hands can be one of the quickest non-verbal ways to destroy the attraction that a woman feels for you, because the wrong hand movements can communicate that you are a low-status, beta male.
To make matters worse, your hands can be particularly tough to manage because, let's face it, when you feel nervous, the hardest thing in the world is figuring out what to do with your hands!
For success with your dating and seduction of women, make sure you don't make the following body language mistakes with your hands.
MISTAKE ONE. Displaying your anxiety with your hands.
You do this when you:
1) Shred napkins.
2) Make your hands into fists.
3) Sit on your hands.
4) Hold something and play with it.
5) Twiddle your fingers or thumbs.
6) Hold your hands unnaturally still.
7) Sit on your hands to avoid having the woman see them tremble.
Although you might be feeling nervous, the last thing you want to do is to let the woman detect you feel that way.
Instead you want to convey that you're calm and in control. Nothing attracts a woman more than a man who's laid back and confident.
MISTAKE TWO. Putting your fingers into your mouth.
When you bite your nails or otherwise chew on your fingers, you are, according to psychologists, doing the same thing that infants are doing when they suck their mother's breast.
For a baby, breast feeding provides comfort. When we became toddlers, our thumbs replaced our mom's nipple.
And then as adults, biting our thumbnail does the same thing. Ever noticed that when you're out in public, you mainly bite your nails when you're under pressure?
THE SOLUTION. Just hold your hands relaxed on the table.
Rest your forearms on the table, keeping your arms open and letting them drop forward.
Keep your hands and arms open and relaxed. Most of the time this means having them about 18 inches or half a meter apart, your palms facing each other, with fingers curved slightly upward.
As your palms face each other, they should also face the woman. Open palms convey honesty and being completely comfortable with yourself. Having the back of your hands facing her can often convey that you're hiding something.
Demonstrating your confidence can be as easy as that! Stop twiddling your thumbs and watch the women flock to you.
John Alexander is author of How to Become an Alpha Male a dating and seduction success guide for men which will improve your body language and confidence.
http://www.thegamesgotrules.com
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Using The 'Fated Encounter' For First Date Seduction Success
Using The 'Fated Encounter' For First Date Seduction Success
By John Alexander
Author, How to Become an Alpha Male
Wouldn't it be nice if you could create feelings within a woman of a deep connection with you... even if you two have known each other for only a few hours... and without having to resort to complicated (and risky!) hypnosis tactics?
Well, good news. There is a very easy, no-risk way to do this. I call it the Fated Encounter Technique.
Here's why it works. Every woman has a fantasy from the time she was a little girl, triggered by a constant diet of romance movies and novels, about fate bringing the man of her dreams to her.
In one typical scene the guy and the girl almost bump into each other on the sidewalk. Instead, fate keeps them apart, and they go their separate ways.
Then, two years later, they live in the same apartment building. Yet after several close calls, they still don't meet, again because of fate.
The two date other people, off and on, and yet are never happy. Months go by. The man and the woman each ponder what it will be like when they meet that special someone, someday...
And then near the end of the movie, fate finally brings them together. And of course they hit it off right from the start.
Wouldn't it be nice if that could happen in real life, rather than having to wait through several dates before the woman finally feels comfortable enough with you to have sex?
Well, it can. You can speed the seduction process and have the woman feeling deeply connected with you by using my Fated Encounter Technique. I'll explain how it works.
During the course of your conversation with the woman, you bring up places she has been to. If you've been to those same places, you then talk about how amazing it is that the two of you could have been there at the same time and yet destiny kept you apart.
Let's say, to use a recent example I encountered, that she shops at the local Whole Foods grocery store.
You can then say, "That's awesome. I shop there too. Imagine, we've probably seen each other there all the time!"
Another example would be that the two of you go to downtown LA all the time, and probably have walked past each other on many occasions.
And now, you can say, "Isn't it amazing how fate has finally brought us together?"
As the conversation progresses, the two of you can talk about other coincidences, and the things the two of you might have done together if you'd only known each other.
With the seed planted, as the girl thinks about those coincidences, and how "fate" has now brought the two of you together, she will then start to feel as if she's known you, on a deeper psychic level, for a lot longer than just a few hours.
You, she concludes, are the man she's been waiting for all her life.
John Alexander is author of How to Become an Alpha Male ... a seduction success guide for men. Learn the 7 Step Seduction System that takes you from saying "hello" to a new woman... to sharing orgasms in bed with her... in just one evening!
http://www.thegamesgotrules.com
By John Alexander
Author, How to Become an Alpha Male
Wouldn't it be nice if you could create feelings within a woman of a deep connection with you... even if you two have known each other for only a few hours... and without having to resort to complicated (and risky!) hypnosis tactics?
Well, good news. There is a very easy, no-risk way to do this. I call it the Fated Encounter Technique.
Here's why it works. Every woman has a fantasy from the time she was a little girl, triggered by a constant diet of romance movies and novels, about fate bringing the man of her dreams to her.
In one typical scene the guy and the girl almost bump into each other on the sidewalk. Instead, fate keeps them apart, and they go their separate ways.
Then, two years later, they live in the same apartment building. Yet after several close calls, they still don't meet, again because of fate.
The two date other people, off and on, and yet are never happy. Months go by. The man and the woman each ponder what it will be like when they meet that special someone, someday...
And then near the end of the movie, fate finally brings them together. And of course they hit it off right from the start.
Wouldn't it be nice if that could happen in real life, rather than having to wait through several dates before the woman finally feels comfortable enough with you to have sex?
Well, it can. You can speed the seduction process and have the woman feeling deeply connected with you by using my Fated Encounter Technique. I'll explain how it works.
During the course of your conversation with the woman, you bring up places she has been to. If you've been to those same places, you then talk about how amazing it is that the two of you could have been there at the same time and yet destiny kept you apart.
Let's say, to use a recent example I encountered, that she shops at the local Whole Foods grocery store.
You can then say, "That's awesome. I shop there too. Imagine, we've probably seen each other there all the time!"
Another example would be that the two of you go to downtown LA all the time, and probably have walked past each other on many occasions.
And now, you can say, "Isn't it amazing how fate has finally brought us together?"
As the conversation progresses, the two of you can talk about other coincidences, and the things the two of you might have done together if you'd only known each other.
With the seed planted, as the girl thinks about those coincidences, and how "fate" has now brought the two of you together, she will then start to feel as if she's known you, on a deeper psychic level, for a lot longer than just a few hours.
You, she concludes, are the man she's been waiting for all her life.
John Alexander is author of How to Become an Alpha Male ... a seduction success guide for men. Learn the 7 Step Seduction System that takes you from saying "hello" to a new woman... to sharing orgasms in bed with her... in just one evening!
http://www.thegamesgotrules.com
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Four Keys to Overcoming Your Nervousness Around Women
Four Keys to Overcoming Your Nervousness Around Women
By John Alexander
Author, How to Become an Alpha Male
Standing at the magazine rack thumbing through Cosmo, she has the most gorgeous face you've ever seen. Her hair is silky brown. Her skin looks so radiant and so incredibly soft. You would be on top of the world if you could pick her this girl up.
You feel the fear deep in your gut.
You know that even if you got your balls in gear and went for it, you wouldn't know what to say. You feel so nervous and fumbly that you would reject yourself if you were her. So you shy away from even approaching her in the first place.
Does this situation sound familiar? If so, keep reading.
The first thing for you to realize is that all guys get anxiety about approaching women. I know I certainly do.
But what separates you (and me) from the rest of the guys is...
What You Do About Your Fear.
Most guys let fear paralyze them... not just about chicks, but about other things in their life like their career... which is why, unfortunately, most guys will never find the success that they want.
First, look at where your fear comes from. The problem is inside of you. It's not with the chicks.
If you're thinking about rejection, then that means you're making your approaches with a certain outcome in mind (I'm just guessing, but I think if you're like most guys, your goal is getting chicks attracted to you so that you can get laid).
Try this instead... approach without having any expectations. No goals.
Let me tell you about a problem I used to have. I'm inclined to be an introvert, as I discuss in my book , How to Become an Alpha Male."
So to overcome my shyness, I would force myself to chat up everybody, no matter who they were... hot girls, ugly girls, fat girls, old people, men, children, people walking dogs, etc.
I would talk about neutral topics with them, nothing to do with picking up chicks.
The net result from all of that was I became really good at approaching people.
After that, however, I made a mistake. I said to myself, "Since I'm so good at approaching people and have become an outgoing person, why am I wasting time talking to anyone other than hot chicks?"
So then I limited the people I talked to... and my anxiety about talking to random women swept over me once again. It was as if I'd never had all that practice chatting up strangers in the first place.
At that point I realized it was because I was outcome-dependent. Because I had thoughts like "I'm going to try to lay this chick" in my mind... before I'd even opened my mouth to say "hi"... and so I would crash and burn. It sucked.
Here's something I want you to try. Whenever you go out, talk to three people, but do it just for practice. Don't do it for real.
Because it's just for practice, don't limit yourself to just talking to hot women. In general, I've found that elderly people (both males and females) and fat women are easy to talk to.
If it helps, set up a time limit for your practice interactions, like that you'll talk to the person for 30 seconds and then you'll get out of the conversation. (Say something like, "Well, I'm on my way to meeting a friend. Good chatting with you." And then walk away without making a big deal of it.)
Once you've done your practices and feel warmed up, then you can chat up hot chicks. Again though, do it without having any sort of sex-related outcome in mind. For example, if a chick passes by you in a hallway, just say, "Hey, I need a quick female opinion on something." (Then ask about something that you genuinely want a female opinion on.)
Remember though: have no outcome in mind. So it doesn't matter if the chick responds rudely.
In fact, when you reach a point that you've chatted up lots of women, you'll find that eventually rude responses on their part mean nothing. You'll have an attitude of "ha, how original... I've had tons of women give me that exact same 'clever' rude comment."
I've been rejected hideously, time and time again. One chick screamed "Go away!" at me before I could even get out my initial sentence.
Another time I thought it was amusing when I approached a group of two girls, just for practice, and right after I said "hey," they both turned their backs on me in unison, as if they were synchronized dancers!
Now I just look back on all of that and laugh.
My point is that the more you approach, the more you'll reach a level where you notice that most people act in the same, predictable ways. It'll bore you rather than cause you anxiety.
Think of it as trying to build a house. You put down one brick at a time and cement it. Brick, cement. Brick, cement. It'll take a long time, but eventually, the walls will be up (which means you've finished the hard part).
To get a bit more psychological, there's really no such thing as "being nervous." You don't "get nervous," like it's some kind of flu virus that invades your body.
All feelings of nervousness come from within. You have a certain series of thought processes that you go through. You say things to yourself. (When you think thoughts like, "I would reject myself," it sets you up for failure!) You picture the chicks rejecting you. You feel tense in your body. And so on.
So what you can do to break this is to identify it for what it is.
Notice your negative thoughts and change them. Instead of thinking, "Oh my God, this chick is going to act like a bitch to me because I fumble my words"... think, "It's awesome that I'm making this approach, because if this chick rejects me, that means I've gotten her out of the way and I'm one step closer to finding my dream girl."
Notice where you feel tense in your body, and then let your muscles relax in those areas. For me, I feel tense in my jaw and face when I'm nervous. So when I relax my jaw and facial muscles, it alleviates a lot of my tension.
I'll wrap it up for you by concluding with this advice:
1) Be social for the sake of being social. Nothing else.
2) Remember that the only way to get over your fear is by doing the thing you fear. The more you do it, the easier it gets, because your attitude about the experiences will become, "Been there, done that, it's no big deal."
3) Recognize your bad thoughts and force yourself to replace them with good ones.
4) Ease the physical tension you have in your body when you feel nervous.
John Alexander is author of How to Become an Alpha Male ... a seduction success guide for men. Learn to permanently overcome your shyness and anxiety around women.
http://www.thegamesgotrules.com
By John Alexander
Author, How to Become an Alpha Male
Standing at the magazine rack thumbing through Cosmo, she has the most gorgeous face you've ever seen. Her hair is silky brown. Her skin looks so radiant and so incredibly soft. You would be on top of the world if you could pick her this girl up.
You feel the fear deep in your gut.
You know that even if you got your balls in gear and went for it, you wouldn't know what to say. You feel so nervous and fumbly that you would reject yourself if you were her. So you shy away from even approaching her in the first place.
Does this situation sound familiar? If so, keep reading.
The first thing for you to realize is that all guys get anxiety about approaching women. I know I certainly do.
But what separates you (and me) from the rest of the guys is...
What You Do About Your Fear.
Most guys let fear paralyze them... not just about chicks, but about other things in their life like their career... which is why, unfortunately, most guys will never find the success that they want.
First, look at where your fear comes from. The problem is inside of you. It's not with the chicks.
If you're thinking about rejection, then that means you're making your approaches with a certain outcome in mind (I'm just guessing, but I think if you're like most guys, your goal is getting chicks attracted to you so that you can get laid).
Try this instead... approach without having any expectations. No goals.
Let me tell you about a problem I used to have. I'm inclined to be an introvert, as I discuss in my book , How to Become an Alpha Male."
So to overcome my shyness, I would force myself to chat up everybody, no matter who they were... hot girls, ugly girls, fat girls, old people, men, children, people walking dogs, etc.
I would talk about neutral topics with them, nothing to do with picking up chicks.
The net result from all of that was I became really good at approaching people.
After that, however, I made a mistake. I said to myself, "Since I'm so good at approaching people and have become an outgoing person, why am I wasting time talking to anyone other than hot chicks?"
So then I limited the people I talked to... and my anxiety about talking to random women swept over me once again. It was as if I'd never had all that practice chatting up strangers in the first place.
At that point I realized it was because I was outcome-dependent. Because I had thoughts like "I'm going to try to lay this chick" in my mind... before I'd even opened my mouth to say "hi"... and so I would crash and burn. It sucked.
Here's something I want you to try. Whenever you go out, talk to three people, but do it just for practice. Don't do it for real.
Because it's just for practice, don't limit yourself to just talking to hot women. In general, I've found that elderly people (both males and females) and fat women are easy to talk to.
If it helps, set up a time limit for your practice interactions, like that you'll talk to the person for 30 seconds and then you'll get out of the conversation. (Say something like, "Well, I'm on my way to meeting a friend. Good chatting with you." And then walk away without making a big deal of it.)
Once you've done your practices and feel warmed up, then you can chat up hot chicks. Again though, do it without having any sort of sex-related outcome in mind. For example, if a chick passes by you in a hallway, just say, "Hey, I need a quick female opinion on something." (Then ask about something that you genuinely want a female opinion on.)
Remember though: have no outcome in mind. So it doesn't matter if the chick responds rudely.
In fact, when you reach a point that you've chatted up lots of women, you'll find that eventually rude responses on their part mean nothing. You'll have an attitude of "ha, how original... I've had tons of women give me that exact same 'clever' rude comment."
I've been rejected hideously, time and time again. One chick screamed "Go away!" at me before I could even get out my initial sentence.
Another time I thought it was amusing when I approached a group of two girls, just for practice, and right after I said "hey," they both turned their backs on me in unison, as if they were synchronized dancers!
Now I just look back on all of that and laugh.
My point is that the more you approach, the more you'll reach a level where you notice that most people act in the same, predictable ways. It'll bore you rather than cause you anxiety.
Think of it as trying to build a house. You put down one brick at a time and cement it. Brick, cement. Brick, cement. It'll take a long time, but eventually, the walls will be up (which means you've finished the hard part).
To get a bit more psychological, there's really no such thing as "being nervous." You don't "get nervous," like it's some kind of flu virus that invades your body.
All feelings of nervousness come from within. You have a certain series of thought processes that you go through. You say things to yourself. (When you think thoughts like, "I would reject myself," it sets you up for failure!) You picture the chicks rejecting you. You feel tense in your body. And so on.
So what you can do to break this is to identify it for what it is.
Notice your negative thoughts and change them. Instead of thinking, "Oh my God, this chick is going to act like a bitch to me because I fumble my words"... think, "It's awesome that I'm making this approach, because if this chick rejects me, that means I've gotten her out of the way and I'm one step closer to finding my dream girl."
Notice where you feel tense in your body, and then let your muscles relax in those areas. For me, I feel tense in my jaw and face when I'm nervous. So when I relax my jaw and facial muscles, it alleviates a lot of my tension.
I'll wrap it up for you by concluding with this advice:
1) Be social for the sake of being social. Nothing else.
2) Remember that the only way to get over your fear is by doing the thing you fear. The more you do it, the easier it gets, because your attitude about the experiences will become, "Been there, done that, it's no big deal."
3) Recognize your bad thoughts and force yourself to replace them with good ones.
4) Ease the physical tension you have in your body when you feel nervous.
John Alexander is author of How to Become an Alpha Male ... a seduction success guide for men. Learn to permanently overcome your shyness and anxiety around women.
http://www.thegamesgotrules.com
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