Four Keys to Overcoming Your Nervousness Around Women

Four Keys to Overcoming Your Nervousness Around Women

By John Alexander

Author, How to Become an Alpha Male

Standing at the magazine rack thumbing through Cosmo, she has the most gorgeous face you've ever seen. Her hair is silky brown. Her skin looks so radiant and so incredibly soft. You would be on top of the world if you could pick her this girl up.

You feel the fear deep in your gut.

You know that even if you got your balls in gear and went for it, you wouldn't know what to say. You feel so nervous and fumbly that you would reject yourself if you were her. So you shy away from even approaching her in the first place.

Does this situation sound familiar? If so, keep reading.

The first thing for you to realize is that all guys get anxiety about approaching women. I know I certainly do.

But what separates you (and me) from the rest of the guys is...

What You Do About Your Fear.

Most guys let fear paralyze them... not just about chicks, but about other things in their life like their career... which is why, unfortunately, most guys will never find the success that they want.

First, look at where your fear comes from. The problem is inside of you. It's not with the chicks.

If you're thinking about rejection, then that means you're making your approaches with a certain outcome in mind (I'm just guessing, but I think if you're like most guys, your goal is getting chicks attracted to you so that you can get laid).

Try this instead... approach without having any expectations. No goals.

Let me tell you about a problem I used to have. I'm inclined to be an introvert, as I discuss in my book , How to Become an Alpha Male."

So to overcome my shyness, I would force myself to chat up everybody, no matter who they were... hot girls, ugly girls, fat girls, old people, men, children, people walking dogs, etc.

I would talk about neutral topics with them, nothing to do with picking up chicks.

The net result from all of that was I became really good at approaching people.

After that, however, I made a mistake. I said to myself, "Since I'm so good at approaching people and have become an outgoing person, why am I wasting time talking to anyone other than hot chicks?"

So then I limited the people I talked to... and my anxiety about talking to random women swept over me once again. It was as if I'd never had all that practice chatting up strangers in the first place.

At that point I realized it was because I was outcome-dependent. Because I had thoughts like "I'm going to try to lay this chick" in my mind... before I'd even opened my mouth to say "hi"... and so I would crash and burn. It sucked.

Here's something I want you to try. Whenever you go out, talk to three people, but do it just for practice. Don't do it for real.

Because it's just for practice, don't limit yourself to just talking to hot women. In general, I've found that elderly people (both males and females) and fat women are easy to talk to.

If it helps, set up a time limit for your practice interactions, like that you'll talk to the person for 30 seconds and then you'll get out of the conversation. (Say something like, "Well, I'm on my way to meeting a friend. Good chatting with you." And then walk away without making a big deal of it.)

Once you've done your practices and feel warmed up, then you can chat up hot chicks. Again though, do it without having any sort of sex-related outcome in mind. For example, if a chick passes by you in a hallway, just say, "Hey, I need a quick female opinion on something." (Then ask about something that you genuinely want a female opinion on.)

Remember though: have no outcome in mind. So it doesn't matter if the chick responds rudely.

In fact, when you reach a point that you've chatted up lots of women, you'll find that eventually rude responses on their part mean nothing. You'll have an attitude of "ha, how original... I've had tons of women give me that exact same 'clever' rude comment."

I've been rejected hideously, time and time again. One chick screamed "Go away!" at me before I could even get out my initial sentence.

Another time I thought it was amusing when I approached a group of two girls, just for practice, and right after I said "hey," they both turned their backs on me in unison, as if they were synchronized dancers!

Now I just look back on all of that and laugh.

My point is that the more you approach, the more you'll reach a level where you notice that most people act in the same, predictable ways. It'll bore you rather than cause you anxiety.

Think of it as trying to build a house. You put down one brick at a time and cement it. Brick, cement. Brick, cement. It'll take a long time, but eventually, the walls will be up (which means you've finished the hard part).

To get a bit more psychological, there's really no such thing as "being nervous." You don't "get nervous," like it's some kind of flu virus that invades your body.

All feelings of nervousness come from within. You have a certain series of thought processes that you go through. You say things to yourself. (When you think thoughts like, "I would reject myself," it sets you up for failure!) You picture the chicks rejecting you. You feel tense in your body. And so on.

So what you can do to break this is to identify it for what it is.

Notice your negative thoughts and change them. Instead of thinking, "Oh my God, this chick is going to act like a bitch to me because I fumble my words"... think, "It's awesome that I'm making this approach, because if this chick rejects me, that means I've gotten her out of the way and I'm one step closer to finding my dream girl."

Notice where you feel tense in your body, and then let your muscles relax in those areas. For me, I feel tense in my jaw and face when I'm nervous. So when I relax my jaw and facial muscles, it alleviates a lot of my tension.

I'll wrap it up for you by concluding with this advice:

1) Be social for the sake of being social. Nothing else.

2) Remember that the only way to get over your fear is by doing the thing you fear. The more you do it, the easier it gets, because your attitude about the experiences will become, "Been there, done that, it's no big deal."

3) Recognize your bad thoughts and force yourself to replace them with good ones.

4) Ease the physical tension you have in your body when you feel nervous.

John Alexander is author of How to Become an Alpha Male ... a seduction success guide for men. Learn to permanently overcome your shyness and anxiety around women.
http://www.thegamesgotrules.com

How To Have Sex On The First Date

How To Have Sex On The First Date
By John Alexander
Author, How to Become an Alpha Male

Having gone out with with literally thousands of women and gone to bed with hundreds over the past two and a half decades, I've learned that there's nothing you can do to GUARANTEE having sex with any particular woman.

However, by doing a few simple things, you can dramatically INCREASE THE ODDS of going all the way on the very first night of your relationship.

1. Meet her in a non-traditional venue.

By that I mean, don't take her to a fancy dinner or do anything else that she associates with a "date." If you do, that puts her into the same "make him wait" mindset that she adopted with the last 100 guys who bought her a nice dinner.

Instead meet her somewhere informal, like a coffee shop or some cheap diner for lunch. Don't make a big deal out of who pays for what, because again, the last 100 guys she dated paid for her meal because, as was blatantly obvious to her, they were hoping to get laid.

As an alpha male, you shouldn't do anything because you're "hoping to get laid." That reeks of desperation and kills attraction that a woman feels.

A more attractive guy is one who gets laid all the time, so sex is no big deal to him. If a woman wants his attention, she has to earn it. In other words, he is a challenge for her, not a sure thing.

2. Have the proper mindset throughout the date.

You want to be relaxed and feeling sexual. (To get yourself into a sexual state, try watching porn just before the date, but don't masturbate.) And it's important to feel relaxed. No nervousness.

For a woman to become sexual, she needs to feel relaxed and horny. It is important that you feel that exact way yourself, because studies have shown that when two people are in rapport, they eventually match emotional states with each other.

So when you're chilling with the girl, you should feel deeply relaxed and horny, and then engage her in conversation about neutral subjects until you see signs that she too is getting relaxed and horny.

3. Get her alone with you.

Let's say you and the girl hit it off fantastically in the coffee shop, so you then take her to a bar to get a quick drink. Things are really going well there. The conversational vibe is excellent. You see signs of her increasing sexual arousal and openness to intimacy.

Some signs of a woman's deepening sexual attraction to you include:
- Sitting with her inner thigh exposed.

- Fidgeting with her clothes. She might even unfasten a button or two of her blouse.

- She engages in "triangle gazing." She'll look at one of your eyes, then another, and then at your mouth.

- You notice her stealing glimpses at your chest and even your crotch.

The problem is you can't just say, "Let's go to my place and have sex." With women you're on a first date with, whenever you verbalize anything sexual, it kills the mood for her and results in you sleeping alone that night.

Instead, mention an innocent excuse for the two of you to go to your place. (Examples could be, "You should come hear my 'Best of the 80s' CD" or "That's awesome that you're so good with art... I have a painting in my living room that I'd love to get your opinion on")

Since the two of you have an "innocent" reason to be alone together, it avoids triggering the alarm bells in her mind that scream, "Uh oh! I don't want to be a slut!"

Once the two of you are then alone, isolated at your place, you can set the scene for the seduction.

It can take several hours for the woman to feel comfortable enough with you at your house, so you need to be patient.

Sit on your couch and watch a movie. Slowly escalate. Hold hands, stroke her hair, and so on from there.

Sexually, women are like irons. They heat up slowly. Keep that in mind and don't rush things, and you'll have your maximum shot at having sex on a first date.

John Alexander is author of How to Become an Alpha Male. Learn the 7 Step Seduction System that takes you from saying "hello" to a new woman... to sharing orgasms in bed with her... in just one evening!
http://www.thegamesgotrules.com

How to Get a Woman to Treat You the Way You Deserve

How to Get a Woman to Treat You the Way You Deserve

By John Alexander

Author, How to Become an Alpha Male

You know the scenario. You start dating a woman. After the first date, all you get is a peck on the cheek.

Second date, you get a mouth kiss. Third date, you hold hands. It's a very slow process.

You can't understand why it has to take so long to have sex with the woman. After all, you're buying her meals. You even splurged on some pretty flowers.

In short... you're being incredibly nice to the woman. So what's the problem? Why won't she have sex with you?

It comes down to human motivation. People behave in ways that cause them to get rewarded. They avoid behaviors that cause them punishment.

So the reason why guys often have trouble getting laid is because they reward bad behavior. A chick will lead them on and then make it clear there won't be sex that night, yet the guy rewards her by cuddling with her.

A better solution would be to punish the bad behavior by being a lot less interested in cuddling with her. Never underestimate the power of getting up from the couch and walking out the door.

Remember, to harvest the full enjoyment out of life and to have women be attracted to you, you need to be an alpha male. That means being powerful. So make sure you get treated the way you deserve to be.

Did a chick do something (like have sex with you) that deserves rewarding? Then go ahead and do something nice for her. Take her on a date to a fancy restaurant. Buy her filet mignon and Don Perignon (if you've got the money).

Does a chick just string you along, telling you nice things that she would do for you if only she didn't have a boyfriend? Then withdraw your attention, and go talk to other girls instead of her.

Frame all of your behavior towards women in terms of punishment and reward, and you'll be treated the way you deserve (or else you'll move onto another woman who WILL treat you right).

John Alexander is author of How to Become an Alpha Male... a seduction success guide for men. Learn more advanced tips on how to develop the mind set of an alpha male to find the success with women that you desire.
http://www.thegamesgotrules.com

Body Language

Body Language
By John Alexander
Author, How to Become an Alpha Male


An estimated 67% to 93% of human communication (according to university researchers) is non-verbal, and your body language reveals your internal emotional state. Whether someone's parents just died, or whether they just got promoted to CEO... you can tell by observing their body language.

So, as a man who tries to pick up and seduce women, you should be mindful of what you're communicating non-verbally.

Body language consists of the following:

- Your movements. They should be nonchalant, as if you're so fabulously successful that there's rarely a reason for you to rush nor try to impress anybody. Move through the world doing what you want and assuming that others will follow.

- The displacement of your body. Your arms and legs should be spread out. Don't be afraid to take up space.

- Your voice. It should have a calm, soothing, and commanding effect. Don't speak too fast or strain your voice.

- Your face. Keep your facial muscles relaxed. Never tense your jaw, and only rarely should you frown or wrinkle your brow.

- Your shoulders. Keep them relaxed like they'd be if you just got a massage. Don't raise them up like a nervous person.

I would even go as far as to say that you body language is more important than anything you say, because if your body language doesn't match what you say, then you won't succeed with women.

You see, if you tell a woman stories that convey your confidence, but at the same time you slump over and fold your arms, then you come across as fake.

I've picked up women before merely through the use of my body language. For example, a couple months ago I was at a coffee shop that I frequent, lounging on the couch, arms spread out, with my feet up on the table.

The mindset I had was that I felt so comfortable that it was as if I were in my home lounging on my own couch. It was as if I owned the coffee shop.

The net result was that a girl sitting near me put down her book and started engaging me in random small talk.

(Whenever an attractive girl you don't know starts a random conversation with you, you should ALWAYS assume that she's attracted to you. This is because women generally won't risk the whole male-female dynamic, especially with a stranger, unless they feel attraction.)

The conversation went on for awhile, I got her number, called her that night, and a few days later we met and after several hours went to her place, where I spent the night. (We finally had sex in the morning.)

The bottom line though is that she became initially attracted to me and approached me because of my body language.

Now, of course body language isn't enough. You also must have an internal alpha male mindset that's consistent with your body language.

But make no mistake about it... if your body language conveys confidence, then your mood will also shift to become more confident. And have you ever noticed how when you walk with a spring in your step, you feel more upbeat?

Conversely, when you cast your eyes down and drag your feet, you feel depressed. So your mindset also follows the body language that you adopt.

So, in conclusion, be an alpha male with your mindset and your body language. Be in a woman's personal space and be sexual and interested in her, but at the same time don't be needy or desperate for her attention. Just be comfortable and enjoy yourself.

And when your body language conveys that, it means you'll later be comfortable and enjoying yourself... with the woman.

John Alexander is author of How to Become an Alpha Male, a seduction success system for men that will have you displaying body language that attracts women like a magnet.

http://www.thegamesgotrules.com

The Number One Secret Behind the Alpha Male's Body Language

The Number One Secret Behind the Alpha Male's Body Language
By John Alexander
Author, How to Become an Alpha Male


Watch a man with high status--Brad Pitt, George Clooney, or the CEO where you work--and you'll notice that he moves differently than the rest of us. He gives off vibes that he is hot stuff, and because of that, women get soaking wet over him.

You, too, can create that aura that makes you attractive to women.

Have you ever noticed the way your friends look when they're all nervous? They're looking down at the ground with their arms crossed, fidgeting, with their voices cracking and their eyes bugged out.

And when you give off that kind of body language yourself, women don't want to be around you.

Now, think about successful guys. They've got girls all over them and some great body language going on.

So, what's the number one secret between those high status guys and the low status guys? You've probably guessed it... the alpha males are relaxed and in control when it comes to social situations.

Make no mistake about it... relaxation is the most important mental state for you to be in.

With that in mind, here are some pointers for you to develop the mindset and body language of an alpha male (and by the way, if you think they're easy, you're right... you can make these changes as early as tonight and have even the hottest girls clamoring for your attention):


1. Don't allow yourself to feel worried. Just let your worries go, since you can't solve any problem by worrying. So suck it up, and quit thinking about what might go wrong. Just live life.

Now, I know what I just said is easier said than done (to use an old--but relevant in this case--cliche). You've spent your whole life up until now dwelling on thoughts that make you feel worried.

But what is this emotion we call "worry"? When you think about it, it's simply the fear of what might happen in the future. Essentially you're punishing yourself by feeling upset before anything bad has happened. It makes no logical sense to worry!

So the solution is to avoid contemplating your worrisome thoughts anymore. Identify them for what they are... toxic to your emotional state, and... let them go.


Simply not dwelling on negative outcomes that make you feel upset will reduce 90% of your worries.

2. A second strategy to relax is to breathe through your abdomen rather than your chest.

When you breathe, imagine that you're bringing air down to your stomach. Feel your belly rise and fall as you breathe.

3. Avoid nonverbal behaviors that are the opposite of relaxation:

- Raising your shoulders.

- Wrinkling your forehead.

- Fidgeting with your hands and/or legs.

- Tightening your facial muscles.

4. Relax all your muscles and slow down all of your movements a notch.

Alpha males generally move unhurriedly, as if they are in control of time itself. Beta males are nervous and make jerky movements. Imagine you are standing and walking through a swimming pool, where your movements are slow and fluid.

5. Relax your eyes and eyelids.

Beta males hold their eyelids wide open because they are so nervous. Their eyes dart all around. Instead let your eyelids rest. Look straight ahead. Only give things your attention if they interest you. While you're out and about, do the affirmation to yourself, "I am sexual, I am relaxed, and I am in control."

6. If someone wants your attention, move your head slowly.

A trait common to many beta males is being so eager to please that when someone calls their name, you see them spin their heads toward the person unnaturally fast.

John Alexander is author of How to Become an Alpha Male ... a seduction success guide for men. Learn more advanced tips on how to develop the mind set and body language of an alpha male.

http://www.thegamesgotrules.com

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Have You Got a Girlfriend? Here's How Not to Screw It Up

Have You Got a Girlfriend? Here's How Not to Screw It Up

By John Alexander

Author, How to Become an Alpha Male



Having a girlfriend can be a dangerous thing. We become too dependent on our woman for our happiness, and then if we get dumped, we find we've all of a sudden lost our confidence. This results in being without sex for many months, until we finally get a girlfriend again, and... the cycle repeats.



So to break this cycle, we need to REMAIN the attractive guy, the alpha male.



You see, relationships can make us guys too lazy (since the sex is so easy) and we lose that "high value" mindset. It's crucial to keep that alpha male frame of mind that says, "I am like a Lamborghini."



Do Lamborghini dealerships grovel to try to get people to like them? Of course not. Instead they allow all the buyers to come to them. Hell, Lamborghini doesn't even advertise. As a man, you should have a similar confident mindset if you want to maximize the attraction your girlfriend feels for you.



So, how do you keep that alpha mindset? First and foremost, avoid chasing your girlfriend like a puppy dog. A basic concept which will prevent her from ever treating you badly is what I call Punishment and Reward.



If a woman engages in behavior which you disapprove of, punish her by withdrawing your time and focusing on something (or someone) else. If she does something you like (such as having sex with you), reward her by giving her more of your time, talking about her feelings, etc.



So whenever you do something nice for her, do it because you're rewarding her. And DO reward her good behavior, if you want more of it. Like I said, Punishment and Reward.



Then there's the issue of being a challenge. Women act sweet when you're a challenge to them. They act bitchy when they take you for granted and no longer feel like they need put out effort to win your affections.



Often by around month 6 in a relationship is when a woman really starts to take a guy for granted, so avoid that by remaining a challenge.



So the solution to remaining the attractive, alpha guy in your relationships is threefold:



1. Always be willing to focus your time on things other than your girlfriend. Don't reward her for acting bitchy by continuing to be around her when she does. On the other hand, too, reward her for good behavior by giving her more of your time when she acts sweet.



2. Always have it in the back of your mind that you could end the relationship at any time. Don't explicitly threaten her with that, but just make it a subtle implication. That way she'll never become truly comfortable with the relationship and will keep working to win you.



3. Always allow her to think that's she's just a little bit more interested in you than you are in her. Again, this can be very subtle, but if (for example) you're telling her 20 times a day that you love her, and she's only telling you that twice, then obviously the situation is out of whack.



John Alexander is author of How to Become an Alpha Male a dating and seduction success system that will maximize your chances of getting and keeping that dream woman you've got your eye on.

By the way, it's fine to think a girl is beautiful and to feel something strong for her.



Here's the key though... you must always remind yourself that there are LOTS of other women out there who are just as wonderful as that girl you really like.



If you start thinking that any girl is one of a kind, then that gives her power over you, and, ironically, makes her lose attraction to you.



So, you're free to think that a woman's amazing. Just remember that lots of other girls are amazing too. That way you won't become needy.




So remember, place a high value on yourself, make her earn your attention, and hang out with as many women as possible... those are the three secrets for how to get a girl to like you.



John Alexander is the developer of How to Become an Alpha Male, a seduction success system for men. Discover the excitement and pleasure of having gorgeous, horny women automatically drawn to you like a magnet.

Are You Making These Body Language Mistakes With Your Hands?

Are You Making These Body Language Mistakes With Your Hands?

By John Alexander
Author, "How to Become an Alpha Male"

Unfortunately, what you do with your hands can be one of the quickest non-verbal ways to destroy the attraction that a woman feels for you, because the wrong hand movements can communicate that you are a low-status, beta male.

To make matters worse, your hands can be particularly tough to manage because, let's face it, when you feel nervous, the hardest thing in the world is figuring out what to do with your hands!

For success with your dating and seduction of women, make sure you don't make the following body language mistakes with your hands.

MISTAKE ONE. Displaying your anxiety with your hands.

You do this when you:

1) Shred napkins.
2) Make your hands into fists.
3) Sit on your hands.
4) Hold something and play with it.
5) Twiddle your fingers or thumbs.
6) Hold your hands unnaturally still.
7) Sit on your hands to avoid having the woman see them tremble.

Although you might be feeling nervous, the last thing you want to do is to let the woman detect you feel that way.

Instead you want to convey that you're calm and in control. Nothing attracts a woman more than a man who's laid back and confident.

MISTAKE TWO. Putting your fingers into your mouth.

When you bite your nails or otherwise chew on your fingers, you are, according to psychologists, doing the same thing that infants are doing when they suck their mother's breast.

For a baby, breast feeding provides comfort. When we became toddlers, our thumbs replaced our mom's nipple.

And then as adults, biting our thumbnail does the same thing. Ever noticed that when you're out in public, you mainly bite your nails when you're under pressure?

THE SOLUTION. Just hold your hands relaxed on the table.

Rest your forearms on the table, keeping your arms open and letting them drop forward.

Keep your hands and arms open and relaxed. Most of the time this means having them about 18 inches or half a meter apart, your palms facing each other, with fingers curved slightly upward.

As your palms face each other, they should also face the woman. Open palms convey honesty and being completely comfortable with yourself. Having the back of your hands facing her can often convey that you're hiding something.

Demonstrating your confidence can be as easy as that! Stop twiddling your thumbs and watch the women flock to you.

John Alexander is author of How to Become an Alpha Male, a dating and seduction success guide for men which will improve your body language and confidence.http://www.thegamesgotrules.com